A bit about my diet journey

Goodness where do I start?  I love food.  I love the looks of it, the smell of it and especially the taste of it.  I love the crunchiness of chips and popcorn, the sweetness of candy and especially chocolate even though I have an allergy to it and get brutal migraines from it I can’t help myself.  I’ve tried to stop completely, I’ve tried cutting back but after a day or so I just can’t help myself.

I’ve always had a weight problem for as long as I can remember.  Although I can admit now that it was all in my head when I was younger.  I really wasn’t overweight or even chubby.  But at the time I had it in my mind that I was way over weight and I really think that is part of the problem now.  So what is my problem now?  Why am I so over weight?

Depression?  I would love to say no but to be honest that is very possible.  I’m almost 43 years old, never been married (close a couple of times), and been hurt emotionally too many times to even want to think about letting someone else into my life.  But at the same time I’m very alone.  I don’t have a lot of friends that I “hand out with”  so most of my time is spent either at work or at home with my 12 year old son.  So ya I guess some might say I was depressed.

Quit smoking is definitely a possibility.  To me this makes no sense what so ever.  I’ve been smoking for the past almost 30 years other than once I quit smoking for 3 years.  So last December 2011 I decided one day I was going to quit at the end of the week.  That Friday came and bada bing I was done.  Haven’t touched once since and have no desire to.  I love all the smells (except that of people that smoke…lol)  I never realized that my favorite flower the petunia has a beautiful smell.   I just always liked the looks of them.  Oooppss  sorry about that got a little off topic *grin* Anyways I quit smoking like it was nothing at all….but can’t go a day without some form of junk food and lots of it no matter what I try.

I’m sure I could go on with lots more excuses but basically what it all boils down to is that I love food and eat massive amounts of it.  To the point that I feel sick.  And then an hour later I’m looking for more.  I can’t go to sleep at night without a snack.  I actually can not sleep without it.  I lay in bed trying my damnedest to not think about it.  So I’ve bought myself some Lavender Essention Oils (to help me sleep), am going to put up sticky notes around my house so I have visual reminders not to make a pig of myself and signing up for the free gym membership my employer offers to everyone that works there.  Ya I know why haven’t I used it sooner….I ask myself that every day….I’ll do it tomorrow.

So in my diet journal I’ve put some different categories so that I can put posts into them to make it easier to see.  If you have any suggestions or ideas I would love to hear about them.

Now I’m off to have my bath.  Wish me luck.